Her View: Another Officer Involved Shooting
“Office involved Shooting…” the news announces. We both catch our breath. My eyes dart over to my husband’s, whose face is an unreadable mask, letting no emotion show through. Was his brother or sister in blue shot? Is the officer ok? Physically at least. Mentally…we all know the answer to that.
It’s a particularly quiet morning as we continue our normal routine, letting the laughs and babble of our innocent children distract us, if only for a moment.
The goodbye hug is an extra long one, and the “I love yous” and “Stay safe" have extra, unspoken meaning as we both head out the door. Him heading to work, knowing the day will be hard and long; me heading to work, not knowing how to feel.
Messaging him one extra time to say “I’ll be thinking of you, I love you.” But knowing there’s nothing I can do to help him through the day.
Driving to work, with the typical morning show on the radio, but distracted by the constant thoughts about the shooting: what happened, how is the officer, how will my husband and his blue family make it through yet another day like today? How will I make it through my “normal people job” today, knowing that so many other families are struggling today? I am grateful that I can hide behind my computer, that my job doesn’t involve any situations as unpredictable as his.
Sitting down at my desk and staring at my email, I answering some easy ones. I am constantly preoccupied by my thoughts, yet welcoming the distraction of a typical work day.
Trying my best to carry on but knowing today will be a tough one.
Constantly having to re-read the email I’m typing, to make sure it makes sense.
Greeting coworkers, realizing they don’t have any idea about the emotional hurricane happening inside me. Trying to keep my composure so I don’t have to try to explain what’s happening, knowing I won’t know how to.
How will the media spin this? Will it be seen as the “officer’s fault”, or will it be seen as warranted? How is my husband doing? How does he handle all of this, when he knows it could have been him? This one was too close to home. This one COULD have been him. Attending work meetings, laughing maybe a little too loud at the “appropriate” times, meanwhile feeling torn apart inside. Waiting, wondering, hoping, moving forward.
I turn to my phone looking for an outlet, a pressure valve. I find myself reaching out to my blue line sisters at Backing the Blue Line. Their understanding and their support, make me feel like I’m not alone in these feelings, in this not-always-so-easy life. They lift me up, cry with me, laugh with me and just “get it”.
(Photo from 2018 SWAT Retreat.) While most of us have never met in person, and likely never will, these ladies, this group, make these difficult days that much easier.
About the Writer: This Minnesota police wife is an active member of Backing the Blue Line and wishes to remain anonymous. She is courageous, generous, sweet and a woman you would want in your corner any day. Her police officer is lucky to have her by his side. About Backing the Blue Line services: BTBL provides support to MN Law Enforcement Officers and their families by maintaining a list of professional and confidential resources available for those that need it. The list includes marriage and family counselors who have experience specific to law enforcement dynamics. Paid members of Backing the Blue Line also have access to special discounts for some providers. You can access the Members Only area of this website by using the password provided in your membership confirmation email. About Membership in Backing the Blue Line: We invite MN police wives/significant others to become members of Backing the Blue Line to take advantage of all available membership benefits and have additional opportunities to give and receive support. We also invite MN police wives/significant other to join our private Facebook page, which is an community of support offering friendships, networking, and discussion. It is also for raising awareness of the need to support our unique lives and share the bond that comes with being a law enforcement family. Find out more About Us! Not ready to make the $30/year investment in yourself and our police families just yet? That's ok! Join the Private Facebook Backing the Blue Line Group as a Supporter: We invite all MN police wives/significant others/domestic partners to join our private Facebook Group where we have united a community of 2,300+ police wives and significant others to provide a community of support through friendships, networking, and discussion. It is also for raising awareness of the need to support our unique lives and share the bond that comes with being a law enforcement family. Please note that it is a closed/private group due to safety and security concerns. As such, all Facebook private group members must be approved.