A New Year to Be More Present
My friend April had a dry cough that was pretty consistent. AN UNEXPECTED DIAGNOSIS She went into the doctor with a cough and was rushed to the emergency room, then into the operating room and got a diagnosis of lymphoma. I remember right after she was diagnosed, her sister posted on Facebook “why couldn’t it have just been asthma?”
My family and I attended a fundraiser for her at Pizza Ranch a few weeks ago. My 5 year old was getting a little wild with seeing all his friends from his preschool from last year. I was getting really stressed about trying to keep my son under control.
ROWDY KIDS AND A REALIZATION
My dad could tell. He pointed out that every other one of the children there was doing the same thing. They were all a little rowdy. And they were just being kids.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I put entirely way too much thought and anxiety and stress and pressure on myself over what people think of me! What?! Why do I do that!?!
You have this young woman, a mother, a professional who literally had to start cancer treatment less than a week after receiving her diagnosis; yet, she had so much hope in her eyes and love in her heart. It was truly amazing to see.
I’m figuring out that I need to stop and enjoy the good things.
I think that we all get bogged down with everyday rubbish that we might need this reminder from time to time.
I put so much pressure on myself to prove that I’m worthy of ‘approval’ that I’ve been driving myself bonkers. Whether it be fitting into a certain size, getting a promotion or accolades at work, making that picture perfect Pinterest family, or any other crazy pressure I put on myself. I find that I am constantly worried about these things and don’t even notice what’s going on right in front of me.
I just needed to stop. I needed this perspective. It was seeing that hope in her eyes and her smile to just make me stop and think about what really matters.
I’m sure that our LEOs see situations when they’re on the job that must really make them take a step back and see the bigger picture. They see the unthinkable almost on a daily basis. They are the first ones someone calls on the worst days of their lives.
But, they also have those moments that they get to witness miracles. We may hear about those things, but we aren’t there to see them first hand. We try to think about what our LEO might have felt in that moment, but we can’t. We can only be in this moment, (right now!), where our LEO is confiding in us, asking us for a listening ear, advice, or a hug. We don’t get to know all of what weighs on our LEO’s hearts, but we do get to be there for them.
We have the blessing of having the strongest, most compassionate, and genuine people to build our lives with. We also live in the unique reality that we worry that each time they walk out the door for their shifts that it might be the last. This gives us the extra motivation to be present and not take any of the moments with our LEOs for granted. In light of everything they see at work, I think it makes the need even more important for us to be present and enjoy them when they are home with us.
I love everything in my life right now and I need to enjoy it.
My son is doing better with his new meds and counseling. We all had an amazing Christmas! I have to say, that this Christmas was the best of my life so far. I was able to witness my son truly enjoying and loving my LEO and making Christmas memories that will forever bring me joy.
I have my LEO, who I’ve always loved, back in my life again. We’re together and I love everything about him and us and all the possibilities for our future together.
Especially in this New Year, let’s promise ourselves and our LEOs to make an effort to be more present each day.
2018 IS AN OPEN BOOK.
Each day is a blank page, so let’s make each day count and each day something to remember.
So super long story short: I’m going to work on being more present and keeping the perspective of what really matters and ENJOYING IT!
Who’s with me?
About the writer: Beth and her LEO and first dated when they were crazy kids nine years ago, and tried to make it work several different times. A little over a year ago, he contacted her to share that he had become a police officer and responded to a call of a non-responsive infant who he was able to keep alive until paramedics arrived. They reconnected for good after he told her that he wouldn't have had that experience without her believing in him and supporting his goals. They have been inseparable since!